I feel sick.
I really hate that man.
He sits there and tells me I'm not meeting expectations and doesn't want to hear anything that explains why I'm not.
He won't take into consideration how long those stupid checks to do.
Did he even really look at my metrics? He would see I have improved from that last meeting.
He's holding that last meeting over my head and I hate that.
If I was consistantly at that office maybe my metrics would change, but I'm always going back and forth, which does cause a disruption in my keying level. I have gotten better, but he won't see that.
I have to get out of there.
And she just sat there like a stump, so she probably agrees.
I miss Mary. She would've gone to bat for me, she would understand.
If I cn hold on until she gets back, things might be better.
I still want to leave that office. I can't stand him.
Don't like her too much either.
I can not afford to lose my job, I just can't. I have to see if there are any other openings.
I have to do some job searches.
God, I wish I could win one of those giveaways. I really need it right now.
I just really feel sick.

I have these thoughts that I'm going to get some kind of cancer.
I've been thinking about how unsympathetic my boss would be at work.
I worry I would lose my job.
If I don't have a job I don't have an apartment.
Stress like that would only help the cancer kill me faster.
I worry I wouldn't have anyone to help me when I'm sick.
I also don't want to be a burden to anyone, or have them feel they are obligated to help because I'm their sister.
I just can't knock the feeling there's a cancer just lurking out there, waiting to pounce.

I just feel like complete crap.
One little email - and she was completely right - and all I can say to myself is "stupid! stupid! stupid!"
I am totally beating myself up over this. I know that I should keep track of my posts, but I'm not. I just don't seem to care about anything anymore. I don't deserve to be on the council if I can't keep up with the posts.
It's not like I'm contributing much any other way. I don't carry my own weight, I rarely help out, I'm not dependable... what the hell am I there for???
I post the recipes. Yeah, big deal, like I keep up with that, either.
I'm just deadwood that needs to be snipped.
I'd bring up the subject of resigning right now except she might feel it's her fault and I don't want her to feel that way.
I don't want anyone feeling bad on my account.
I don't want to tell them I've been feeling like crap, either. Telling them would make them worry about me and that would a burden for them. They would want to talk about it and try to help me feel better.
I don't want that. It's a lot of bother over nothing.
Me being the nothing.
I'm just not worth the fuss.
I'll play by the rules and watch my posts and bring up resigning later.

checking out my place

Okay, I'm here.
This is where I'll put all the stuff I can't put anywhere else.
No one knows.
I need this place. I need to put all my stuff somewhere.
And I have a lot of stuff.