I just feel like complete crap.
One little email - and she was completely right - and all I can say to myself is "stupid! stupid! stupid!"
I am totally beating myself up over this. I know that I should keep track of my posts, but I'm not. I just don't seem to care about anything anymore. I don't deserve to be on the council if I can't keep up with the posts.
It's not like I'm contributing much any other way. I don't carry my own weight, I rarely help out, I'm not dependable... what the hell am I there for???
I post the recipes. Yeah, big deal, like I keep up with that, either.
I'm just deadwood that needs to be snipped.
I'd bring up the subject of resigning right now except she might feel it's her fault and I don't want her to feel that way.
I don't want anyone feeling bad on my account.
I don't want to tell them I've been feeling like crap, either. Telling them would make them worry about me and that would a burden for them. They would want to talk about it and try to help me feel better.
I don't want that. It's a lot of bother over nothing.
Me being the nothing.
I'm just not worth the fuss.
I'll play by the rules and watch my posts and bring up resigning later.